The cranky lady at the cash register, the difficult and critical colleague, the controlling boss…they all have something in common and it’s not what you think.
I have worked with some, what I thought of as real difficult people, in my years in Human Resources and later in my business.
Over the years I’ve learned that difficult people don’t exist.
I only experience them as difficult!
What is going on here?
We want to separate the behavior from the person when we talk about “difficult”. That must sound like an open door statement for most of you. And how often do we forget?
We label someone who interrupts us as rude, someone who is not having eye contact as shy and someone who needs to think about what they are going to say as indecisive. All they did was sharing their idea passionately, before you finished your sentence, checking in with their emotions while looking away and being thoughtful about their answer, hence the pause.
So let’s talk about the “difficult” behaviors!
The people we label as difficult are those that use different strategies to meet their needs; strategies that are different than the ones you or I would use and thus we don’t recognize them as effective.
These strategies spring from a well of basic human needs we are trying to meet. We all have these needs such as appreciation, love, and acknowledgement for our presence in the room or in this world.
We want to belong and be part of the community we live and work in and if we don’t get that need met we often become uncertain, angry, aggressive or “difficult”.
Our human needs are universal. The strategies we use to meet those needs are different, not difficult.
© 2015 Crowning Communications LLC, Berry Kruijning. All rights reserved.
What does this blogpost bring up for you? Please post it in the comments below!
I’ve designed a card set with uplifting quotes for people going through a rough time in a relationship, in conflict or just in life in general and called them Little Upsides ™. I regularly share my thoughts and beliefs behind these Little Upsides here on my blog.
Here is what a client wrote me recently about Little Upsides: “Just got your card set. Thank you so much. I love these…I pulled a few out randomly, and my colleague and I both couldn’t believe how pertinent they are – to work, home, personal…life! Wow, you’ve nailed it.” L.A.
Find more information on tips how to use Little Upsides here.