“I don’t know what to say in the moment and he doesn’t give me time to think and collect my thoughts for a good response,” Sally said, when I asked the group what their biggest personal challenge is in conflict. She is one of the participants in a recent workshop I conducted on Conflict Dynamics in the workplace. When asked, Sally self-identified as an Introvert.

Sally is not the only one who is,unconsciously, pointing out the differences between Introverts and Extroverts, who find themselves in an interpersonal conflict at work. Recently I have had a lot of discussions about what it means to be an introvert leader in an extrovert culture as the American culture. What keeps coming up for me is how much we can learn from each other when we are open to our differences and that there is no right or wrong. Since I’ve been embracing being more on the introverted side of the scale, I have a better understanding of the challenges as well as the advantages introvert leaders face, compared to their more outgoing counterparts, when it comes to conflict resolution.

Here are 7 skills the Extrovert leader could learn from an Introvert, when in conflict:

1. Listen=Silent

Introverts know how to listen. They do it all the time. By listening they receive a lot of information on which they base decisions, ask the next question, show empathy and address other people’s needs. People feel heard, when they are listened to that way. If you are more on the extroverted side of the spectrum, work on developing your listening skills by being silent and letting the other person talk more than you. Listen for the feelings and needs that the other person is expressing and acknowledge those out loud, so they feel heard.

2. Ask more questions

Introverts learn about others’ perspectives in conflict by asking questions. The art of asking powerful questions goes hand in hand with skillful listening. Extroverts, when asking a question, could wait with answering their own question or asking another question and allow silence to happen. Introverts know that magic happens in the silence between questions, because the introvert needs to think about the question, sometimes even for a minute or 2. And when they are allowed thinking time, then the other person gets an authentic answer and the connection is real.

3. Take 5: Time for Reflection

One of the introvert’s strengths in conflict resolution is reflective thinking. This is a constructive conflict resolution skill and one that many extroverts lack. The benefits of reflection are not that obvious at first, but are significant. If the extrovert takes (more) time for reflection, for example by spending time alone thinking or journaling about the conflict, it allows him or her to strategize the next steps in the conflict and better understand the outcomes and the impact of their actions on the other person. The result of taking the time for reflection is that we are less likely to react impulsively to the other party, which prevents putting more fuel on the fire than necessary in a challenging situation.

4. Show Humbleness

Being humble is less of a skill and more of an attitude and it means different things to different people. The qualities of humbleness I am thinking of here is recognizing your own faults, your own contribution to the conflict. Being humble is also about knowing that you make mistakes and admitting that you made a mistake. We could all be more humble.

5. Come Prepared

One of the introvert’s strengths is coming prepared to meetings. The value for the Extrovert of being prepared when going into a difficult conversation is to have looked at different perspectives, explored our own feelings about what is going on, having a list of powerful questions to ask to find out what is really going.

6. Stay Away from Bunny Trails: Focused Dialogue

An introvert keeps you on track in a difficult conversation by not jumping from one topic to the other. No one is served by going on a bunny trail and not addressing the real issue. In the eye of an introvert getting off track equals wasting time for the real and meaningful things people can say to each other.

7. Calmness Can Save You!

Introverts have the reputation to be calm, collected and cool. Sometimes not displaying emotions openly and passionately, as the Extrovert does, may result in a more constructive situation. What the Extrovert can learn from the Introvert is to express emotions by naming them calmly (“I am angry right now”) instead of displaying the emotion (passionately slamming a door).

Stay tuned for next month, when I’ll put together the Introvert Guide to Conflict: What Introverts can learn from Extroverts.