While we cannot control the weather, death or another’s thoughts, much as we might like to, we would do well to pay attention to the areas in our life that we can actually do something about. One of these areas is how we show up in conflict.
1. Our Actions. We alone are responsible for what we do.
2. Our Words. Spoken or written, the words we choose impact our lives and the lives of others.
3. Our Beliefs. If we believe that others should take care of our needs, then we will be frustrated when they don’t. We can change our beliefs.
4. Our Values. What’s important to us is our call. Communicate which of your values are challenged in conflict.
5. Our Boundaries. When we have clear boundaries and communicate those, the other person can act appropriately.
6. Our Listening Stance. Often we push, push, push and forget to listen. Resist the urge to push and make an effort to actively listen. Make listening your first priority.
7. Our Assumptions. We make up stories in our head. Becoming aware of our assumptions as well as checking them for accuracy may decrease misunderstandings and increase the chances of a quick resolution.
8. Our Wants and Needs. Be very clear and specific in stating your wants and needs without being demanding to have it your way.
9. Our Self Care. Take care of yourself by taking a time out, breathe, count to 10 and reflect on the best next step to move towards a resolution.
10. Our Decision to Reach Out. Show good personal leadership by being the first to reach out when things are stuck in conflict. It’s the right thing to do.