Have you ever had someone cancel a meeting with you several times? The other day a colleague re-scheduled a meeting with me for the third time in a row on very short notice and I said, “Oh that’s okay! I understand that things can happen.” I wanted to be nice to my colleague and not make him feel bad. What I actually thought was: “How disrespectful to reschedule again, I must not be important to you.” While this may have been an understandable thought, it wasn’t constructive as it provoked feelings of resentment and resistance towards my colleague.
How often do we say something like: “I couldn’t care less,” “I don’t want to argue with you about this” or “I’m sorry” while internally we think: “I didn’t do anything wrong, but I just want you to stop yelling at me?” What we are actually doing here is giving in.
There are many different reasons why we think one thing and say another and we’ll explore those next week. This week start exploring by asking yourself: What is the main reason I am giving in and what do I gain/loose with giving in?